The Witch of Worcester has to confess to having a truly revelatory talk with a senior member of the Church of England recently in which she naturally saw an opportunity to pursue her own business interests.
Apparently, heaven has for some years been run by The Great Car Economy God. This explains why churches have been demolished to make way for car parks in Worcester (near the cathedral, incidentally) and elsewhere. However, the world’s major religions have not made the identity of heaven’s new ruler known to the majority of their followers, with only a select few being aware of the development. Unfortunately for this religious elite, the advent of social media has meant that rumours of the heavenly take-over are now widespread, and it has been agreed amongst leaders of the world religions that the general public will soon be officially informed of the new spiritual cosmology.
To coincide with the great event, The Great Car Economy God has invited bids from three of the world’s major religions – Islam, Christianity and Hinduism – as well as the Chinese to construct a new heavenly gateway city in the sky where worthies from all faiths and rich people can reside whilst their applications for the higher realms are processed by the authorities of The Great Car Economy God. The Church of England has, therefore, entered in to a joint venture with other protestant institutions as well as the Catholic Church, although the leadership of this enterprise is currently contested. On a positive note, however, their prospective bid – knowns as the St Peter’s Gate Project – apparently promotes a scheme already funded by HSBC Bank.
The Witch of Worcester of course saw in this revelation an opportunity to renew political interest in WoW Enterprises long-standing proposal for a spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield, which had not been short shortlisted by the present government. Given the fondness of Worcestershire worthies for a rail parkway regional interchange, WoW proposes to trump their piffling little project proposed for an inaccessible location in the Worcester environs with a new station and much larger car park on Throckmorton Airfield. This would provide access for worthies from the locality and wider region desirous of fast access to St Peter’s Gate, as well as somewhere to leave their motor vehicles in case entry to the intended final destination was denied by higher powers and a return journey to earth required.
PS. In case some people are concerned that they do not have a future in this great new scheme of things, the Witch can assure them that there is another and much pleasanter afterlife only accessible to those who arrive by sustainable transport.
The Witch of Worcester 