REGIME CHANGE IN “OUR COMMON HOME”?

With the publication of the first papal encyclical on “our common home” earlier this week http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/18/pope-francis-encyclical-extract , the environment will also take centre stage at the Church of England’s General Synod in York next month http://www.churchtimes.co.uk/articles/2015/19-june/news/uk/environment-is-top-of-general-synod-agenda-in-york Just as well because the earth has entered a new period of extinction, a study by three US universities has concluded, and humans could be among the first casualties http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-33209548

GREAT CAR ECONOMY GOD IS REVEALED

The Witch of Worcester has to confess to having a truly revelatory talk with a senior member of the Church of England recently in which she naturally saw an opportunity to pursue her own business interests.

Apparently, heaven has for some years been run by The Great Car Economy God. This explains why churches have been demolished to make way for car parks in Worcester (near the cathedral, incidentally) and elsewhere. However, the world’s major religions have not made the identity of heaven’s new ruler known to the majority of their followers, with only a select few being aware of the development. Unfortunately for this religious elite, the advent of social media has meant that rumours of the heavenly take-over are now widespread, and it has been agreed amongst leaders of the world religions that the general public will soon be officially informed of the new spiritual cosmology.

To coincide with the great event, The Great Car Economy God has invited bids from three of the world’s major religions – Islam, Christianity and Hinduism – as well as the Chinese to construct a new heavenly gateway city in the sky where worthies from all faiths and rich people can reside whilst their applications for the higher realms are processed by the authorities of The Great Car Economy God. The Church of England has, therefore, entered in to a joint venture with other protestant institutions as well as the Catholic Church, although the leadership of this enterprise is currently contested. On a positive note, however, their prospective bid – knowns as the St Peter’s Gate Project – apparently promotes a scheme already funded by HSBC Bank.

The Witch of Worcester of course saw in this revelation an opportunity to renew political interest in WoW Enterprises long-standing proposal for a spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield, which had not been short shortlisted by the present government. Given the fondness of Worcestershire worthies for a rail parkway regional interchange, WoW proposes to trump their piffling little project proposed for an inaccessible location in the Worcester environs with a new station and much larger car park on Throckmorton Airfield. This would provide access for worthies from the locality and wider region desirous of fast access to St Peter’s Gate, as well as somewhere to leave their motor vehicles in case entry to the intended final destination was denied by higher powers and a return journey to earth required.

PS. In case some people are concerned that they do not have a future in this great new scheme of things, the Witch can assure them that there is another and much pleasanter afterlife only accessible to those who arrive by sustainable transport.

The Worcestershire Time-Space Travel Hub

It is nearly 2 years since WoW – Witch of Worcester – Enterprises described our proposed Spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield, near Pershore – https://witchofworcester.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/new-wow-enterprises-the-throckmorton-spaceport-project/ and this post updates the situation.

The Government has recently announced that a UK spaceport will be operational within five years, once a “remote” site has been found for the project: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2617763/Rockets-lift-UK-five-years-government-remote-spaceport.html  Throckmorton has been ruled out as insufficiently remote despite WoW’s irrefutable case for this location, based on the latest technology in the known universe. Nevertheless, we understand that the latest round of public consultations on the proposed South Worcestershire Development Plan – http://www.swdevelopmentplan.org/?page_id=5393 – may include this site for a possible new garden suburb of Pershore, a subject to which we will be doubt be returning.

In the meantime, the Government has also announced that there will be a 6th Round of bids for Regional Growth Fund grants: https://www.gov.uk/understanding-the-regional-growth-fund#rgf-round-6 As far as WoW Enterprises are concerned, this news could not come at a better time. Since the proposed Worcester Technology Park failed its due diligence test for nearly £18 million RGF Round 1, this area has been unable to advance a suitably grand project, and the “Worcestershire Time Space-Travel Portal and Inter-Gallactic Hub” fulfils the “Think Big” specification perfectly.

Moreover, since 2012 WoW Enterprises has speculated large sums on research and development into so-called “Wormholes” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wormhole – which the Wikipedia describes thus: “A wormhole, also known as an Einstein–Rosen bridge, is a hypothetical topological feature of spacetime that would fundamentally be a “shortcut” through spacetime. A wormhole is much like a tunnel with two ends each in separate points in spacetime.” Now, as it happens, we have discovered such a time-space portal in the vicinity of Wadborough Park Farm, a few miles to the south-east of Worcester.

This establishment has until recently been somewhat notorious as the source of a stench, widely known as “the Stoulton Stink” – http://www.rivertac.org/2013/12/farm-fined-a-total-of-37000-for-persistent-pollution/ – and is now, it is understood, considering plans to turn itself into the largest solar farm in Europe (we jest not!). In fact, Wadborough Park Farm is viewed as a major nuisance not just by its earthly neighbours but by so-called Extra-Terrestrials dwelling in space, and more particularly amongst people living in a parallel universe where Wadborough Park Farm remains one of the finest country estates in the whole of Worcestershire, like those of Croome and Spetchley: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croome_Court  and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spetchley_Park

Needless to say, Wow Enterprises draws substantial support and backing for the Space-Time Travel Portal from amongst these supernatural communities; and ordinary folk can be assured that the project would have an exclusively beneficial impact on their environment. Indeed, the physical Wadborough Park Farm would be fully restored to its former glory whilst the portal operated “Through the Wormhole” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Through_the_Wormhole – as it were, with access enabled by teleportation – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleportation – from smaller hub facilities around Britain.  Given this extraordinary arrangement, it is quite possible that the project may not require planning permission. All will be explained, however, in our forthcoming bid for a Regional Growth Fund grant.

A Horrible History Play : The Housebuilders

Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by this sun of York (William Shakespeare: Duke of Gloucester in Richard III)

The Witch of Worcester has recently been commissioned to write a play along the lines of the “Horrible Histories”: http://horrible-histories.co.uk The “sun of York” in question is Eric Pickles, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government. Provisionally entitled “The Housebuilders”, the plot revolves around a major outbreak of urban sprawl between Gloucester and Worcester. Unable to travel to work because of traffic congestion, the spooks of GCHQ – who are scattered around the M5 motorway corridor – go on strike. In the midst of the ensuing chaos, Nigel Farage declares a Kentish breakaway state independent of the European Union and asks for assistance from Vladimir Putin to secure its borders. At this point, Eric Pickles stages a coup d’etat, later imprisoning former prime minister David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg in the Tower of London. The long-awaited arrival of full-on Soviet style central planning is then hailed by “The Housebuilders”, a conspiracy of freemasons bent on concreting over Middle England. As the Horrible Histories website states: “Here you’ll find nasty nuggets and foul facts aplenty…”

TESCOGRAD RETREAT MAKES CHANCELLOR WEEP

The Witch is Not Dead! She has, however, been journeying in metaphysical realms during recent months, visiting snowy wastelands – think Narnia – far colder than Britain in the grip of the “Big Chill”. Long-term readers of The Witch of Worcester’s blog will know that she is engaged in a struggle encompassing Middle Earth and Middle England to prevent despoliation of  town and country by the advance of Tescograd. Although such urban sprawl partly takes its name from a well-known supermarket chain, the phenomenon should reallly be thought of as a hybrid spatial planning system (or political land economy even) which combines the worst of free market capitalism with a soviet-style administrative apparatus at both central and local government levels. The system is also heavily spun by both Whitehall politicians and bureaucrats, and their local equivalents, using the Kremlin technique of “Dezinformatsiya” (or Disinformation) to camouflage policies and generally dumb down the planning process. That one of the prime movers in its creation should now be in retreat, an announcement co-coinciding with the funeral yesterday of a former British prime minister, is, therefore, a blow to the powers that be and reason, along with mourning the passing of The Iron Lady, why Chancellor Osborne was seen weeping in St Pauls.

MID WORCESTERSHIRE QUESTION MAY DETERMINE UK’S POLITICAL FUTURE

For those readers who think it is the West Lothian question and the issue of Scottish independence which hold the key to the political future of the United Kingdom, The Witch knows otherwise. “Cam the Knife’s” – aka David Cameron: an allusion to his predecessor “Mac the Knife” or Harold Macmillan – reshuffle has precipitated the resignation of Peter Luff, MP for the safe Tory seat of Mid Worcestershire, who has announced that he is retiring from politics by the 2015 General Election.

London Mayor Boris Johnson is now known to be interested in re-placing Mr Luff as constituency MP, partly because The Witch has drawn attention to the development potential of Throckmorton airfield; and also because Super Boris (again an allusion to Super Mac) could then challenge Cam the Knife for leadership of the Conservative Party. Press speculation about Boris doing a similar deal with Zac Goldsmith for the latter’s Richmond constituency should be regarded as mere distracting tittle-tattle.

In the meantime, the announcement of a “review” into airport capacity whose outcome will not be known until after the General Election, has encouraged The Witch of Worcester to moth-ball WOW enterprises’ plans for a spaceport at Throckmorton (in anticipation of Super Boris becoming MP for the area in question); and instead focus on developing a combined state of the art conservatory and extension of her broom cupboard. The roof of this structure can be opened on fine nights to allow The WoW Coven to fly out on their broomsticks, after the fashion of George Osborne and his familiar-drawn chariot (see below).

EXCLUSIVE: NEW OXORD FU MANCHU FOUR RUNWAY AIRPORT PROPOSAL

Now that she is an official member of the international mega project circuit (or should that be circus?), The Witch can exclusively reveal that a short-listed site for the new four runway airport proposed in south east England is that currently occupied by the city of Oxford. Yes, Oxford Fu Manchu Airport would involve the international trans-location of Oxford’s historic city quarters, including that of the university, to an area adjoining the new Ordos technopolis in Inner Mongolia, in whose empty high rise apartment block residents could also be re-housed.

This option apparently received support from former Oxford Bullingdon Club member, and current Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne when he visited evil Chinese genius Dr Fu Manchu on board his yaght – an even more impressive vessel than than that of Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska – last month. However, it is understood that the former Governor of Hong Kong, and current Chancellor of Oxford University, Lord Patten could pose an obstacle to the proposal and may have to be removed from office “Chinese-style” (or should that be Fu Manchu-style?).

Mr Osborne, meanwhile, is reported to have been behaving more strangely than usual. The Witch has it on good authority that he converted to the dark arts following that infamous encounter with Lord Mandelson known as “Yatchgate”. However, shortly after initiation Mr Osborne lost his familiar, Freya the cat, who has recently re-joined him in Downing Street: a territory she likes very well. To those with eyes endowed with occult powers, the Chancellor can now been seen flying through the night sky in a chariot drawn by eight felines, when not summoning up infernal spirits with his coven of special advisers.

PS: Those unfamiliar with Dr Fu Manchu should consult his entry in Wikipedia. He may have been introduced to the Chancellor of the Exchequer through Global Counsel LLP.

COMBINED EUROPEAN AIR & SPACE (EASE)TRANSPORT HUB & LAND BRIDGE

Having recently posted on the subject of a South Worcestershire Spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield and accompanied a well-known entrepreneur on a hot air balloon ride to the Continent, The Witch of Worcester and WoW Enterprises have now been invited to collaborate on a new combined European air and space transport hub and land bridge (or EASE Transport Hub). The land bridge component of the project would involve the construction of a high-level causeway across the North Sea to provide a site for EASE and associated development, including a mega conurbation to be called “New Atlantis”. Although the project is only at pre-feasibility stage, an attraction for anyone who might feel obliged to object is that the EASE Hub could enable the closure of all three London airports and several on the European mainland, whilst simultaneously accommodating virtually all new greenfield development identified for Southern Britain. There are, of course, significant obstacles, including the issue of how to manage the North Sea to prevent this flooding large areas of England, Wales and Western Europe. However, these obstacles can be viewed as long-term consultancy and related opportunities for those who might otherwise make a nuisance of themselves with speculative development proposals somewhere else.

NEW WOW ENTERPRISES AND THE THROCKMORTON SPACEPORT PROJECT

Whilst some readers may have suspected this witch had been struck down after her last post, in fact she was beamed up into outer space and has spent the last year touring known and unknown universes only to return to earth again on Monday. However, before her descent she did watch the Olympic closing ceremony with some friendly extra-terrestrials, enjoying a really good laugh at the spectacle : think 1970s television advertisement for SMASH potato mix if you will. It was, well, so twentieth century!

The past few days have been spent catching up with correspondence, including inter-galactic communications, as well as earthly news. Having enjoyed the delights of space travel so much, the Witch of Worcester has decided to promote a new transport hub to enable other travellers to join her on future trips. She will, therefore, be promoting Throckmorton airfield in South Worcestershire as the location for this spaceport through her new venture WOW enterprises.

Fortunately, the launch of a further consultation on “major changes” to the South Worcestershire Development Plan provides the ideal opportunity to promote the Throckmorton Spaceport Project (STP) through the local planning system. Readers should be assured that the STP proposal is thoroughly sustainable, and that ecological technologies light years ahead of those currently available on earth will be employed, as WOW Enterprises has access to the most galactically advanced knowledge and systems.

Moreover, to put STP in the context of other strategic infrastructure proposals like “Boris Airport” in the Thames Gateway, whose construction supporters claim will maintain London’s position as the centre of the known universe for the next 500 years, WOW Enterprises can assure policy-makers that a South Worcestershire spaceport will secure Middle England’s position at the centre of the known and unknown universes until the next millennium. Beat that one Boris!

Thought for Today: The Sermon on the Pylon

The Sermon on the Pylon, delivered on BBC Radio 4’s “Thought for Today” slot this morning by a female Anglican vicar who rejoices in the National Grid’s plans to build a new power transmission network, made me suspect that the Church of England is seeking commercial sponsorship.

I’d much rather have heard the Archbishop of Canterbury on the subject of Sobornost, or spiritual connectivity.