With the publication of the first papal encyclical on “our common home” earlier this week http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/18/pope-francis-encyclical-extract , the environment will also take centre stage at the Church of England’s General Synod in York next month http://www.churchtimes.co.uk/articles/2015/19-june/news/uk/environment-is-top-of-general-synod-agenda-in-york Just as well because the earth has entered a new period of extinction, a study by three US universities has concluded, and humans could be among the first casualties http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-33209548
Category Archives: Cosmology/Space
THAT HIDEOUS STRENGTH BY C S LEWIS
0In case readers should think that the Witch of Worcester is possessed by some “deviltry”, to quote the 20th century Anglican theologian, Oxford scholar and fantasy writer C S Lewis, she would like to reassure them that this is most certainly not the case. Indeed, the Witch is currently re-reading “That Hideous Strength” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Hideous_Strength – “A Modern Fairy-Tale for Grown-Ups” and “tall story about deviltry” according to its Christian author http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._S._Lewis and strongly recommends the book to all concerned with the future of this world and the next.
GREAT CAR ECONOMY GOD IS REVEALED
0The Witch of Worcester has to confess to having a truly revelatory talk with a senior member of the Church of England recently in which she naturally saw an opportunity to pursue her own business interests.
Apparently, heaven has for some years been run by The Great Car Economy God. This explains why churches have been demolished to make way for car parks in Worcester (near the cathedral, incidentally) and elsewhere. However, the world’s major religions have not made the identity of heaven’s new ruler known to the majority of their followers, with only a select few being aware of the development. Unfortunately for this religious elite, the advent of social media has meant that rumours of the heavenly take-over are now widespread, and it has been agreed amongst leaders of the world religions that the general public will soon be officially informed of the new spiritual cosmology.
To coincide with the great event, The Great Car Economy God has invited bids from three of the world’s major religions – Islam, Christianity and Hinduism – as well as the Chinese to construct a new heavenly gateway city in the sky where worthies from all faiths and rich people can reside whilst their applications for the higher realms are processed by the authorities of The Great Car Economy God. The Church of England has, therefore, entered in to a joint venture with other protestant institutions as well as the Catholic Church, although the leadership of this enterprise is currently contested. On a positive note, however, their prospective bid – knowns as the St Peter’s Gate Project – apparently promotes a scheme already funded by HSBC Bank.
The Witch of Worcester of course saw in this revelation an opportunity to renew political interest in WoW Enterprises long-standing proposal for a spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield, which had not been short shortlisted by the present government. Given the fondness of Worcestershire worthies for a rail parkway regional interchange, WoW proposes to trump their piffling little project proposed for an inaccessible location in the Worcester environs with a new station and much larger car park on Throckmorton Airfield. This would provide access for worthies from the locality and wider region desirous of fast access to St Peter’s Gate, as well as somewhere to leave their motor vehicles in case entry to the intended final destination was denied by higher powers and a return journey to earth required.
PS. In case some people are concerned that they do not have a future in this great new scheme of things, the Witch can assure them that there is another and much pleasanter afterlife only accessible to those who arrive by sustainable transport.
A QUEEN’S COUNSEL PROPOSES ASTROLOGY
0Continues the story* of ex-newspaper hack and government spin doctor Andy Coulson in Belmarsh Prison….
Still fastidious about his appearance, the dapper Coulson was slightly horrified by the entrance of the dishevelled former Justice Secretary and Chancellor of the Exchequer (the last one to pass on a surplus) in to his prison cell. Ken Clarke then lit up a cigar (despite the smoking ban) and offered him a shot from his hip flask which Coulson declined. The veteran MP looked as if he’d been to a late night jazz bash and then slept in his suit. “Hair of the dog, old boy!” said Clarke as he took a swig of whisky. “You may be surprised to hear this Coulson, but I’ve been consulting your stars”. It transpired that a fellow Conservative MP had recently come out as an astrologer – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28464009 – and other parliamentarians were also now following the ancient art. “According to your chart”**, the Queen’s Counsel continued, “this stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure was foretold in your stars. My recommendation, therefore, is that you plead guilty to all charges laid against you and ask for leniency in sentencing. The period of confinement may be used for astrological studies so that, upon release, you can seek employment as a media astrologer”. This wasn’t a bad idea, thought Coulson, not a bad idea at all. Things were starting to look up. What was that old saying about lying in the gutter, but looking at the stars?*** (….to be continued).
* More on this story can be found at: http://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2014/jul/28/-sp-bullying-hypocrisy-andy-coulson-reign-news-of-the-world-hack-attack-nick-davies and http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-28487299
** http://solarisastrology.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/andy-coulson-david-camerons-aide.html
***Oscar Wilde — ‘We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.’
The Worcestershire Time-Space Travel Hub
0It is nearly 2 years since WoW – Witch of Worcester – Enterprises described our proposed Spaceport at Throckmorton Airfield, near Pershore – https://witchofworcester.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/new-wow-enterprises-the-throckmorton-spaceport-project/ and this post updates the situation.
The Government has recently announced that a UK spaceport will be operational within five years, once a “remote” site has been found for the project: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2617763/Rockets-lift-UK-five-years-government-remote-spaceport.html Throckmorton has been ruled out as insufficiently remote despite WoW’s irrefutable case for this location, based on the latest technology in the known universe. Nevertheless, we understand that the latest round of public consultations on the proposed South Worcestershire Development Plan – http://www.swdevelopmentplan.org/?page_id=5393 – may include this site for a possible new garden suburb of Pershore, a subject to which we will be doubt be returning.
In the meantime, the Government has also announced that there will be a 6th Round of bids for Regional Growth Fund grants: https://www.gov.uk/understanding-the-regional-growth-fund#rgf-round-6 As far as WoW Enterprises are concerned, this news could not come at a better time. Since the proposed Worcester Technology Park failed its due diligence test for nearly £18 million RGF Round 1, this area has been unable to advance a suitably grand project, and the “Worcestershire Time Space-Travel Portal and Inter-Gallactic Hub” fulfils the “Think Big” specification perfectly.
Moreover, since 2012 WoW Enterprises has speculated large sums on research and development into so-called “Wormholes” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wormhole – which the Wikipedia describes thus: “A wormhole, also known as an Einstein–Rosen bridge, is a hypothetical topological feature of spacetime that would fundamentally be a “shortcut” through spacetime. A wormhole is much like a tunnel with two ends each in separate points in spacetime.” Now, as it happens, we have discovered such a time-space portal in the vicinity of Wadborough Park Farm, a few miles to the south-east of Worcester.
This establishment has until recently been somewhat notorious as the source of a stench, widely known as “the Stoulton Stink” – http://www.rivertac.org/2013/12/farm-fined-a-total-of-37000-for-persistent-pollution/ – and is now, it is understood, considering plans to turn itself into the largest solar farm in Europe (we jest not!). In fact, Wadborough Park Farm is viewed as a major nuisance not just by its earthly neighbours but by so-called Extra-Terrestrials dwelling in space, and more particularly amongst people living in a parallel universe where Wadborough Park Farm remains one of the finest country estates in the whole of Worcestershire, like those of Croome and Spetchley: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croome_Court and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spetchley_Park
Needless to say, Wow Enterprises draws substantial support and backing for the Space-Time Travel Portal from amongst these supernatural communities; and ordinary folk can be assured that the project would have an exclusively beneficial impact on their environment. Indeed, the physical Wadborough Park Farm would be fully restored to its former glory whilst the portal operated “Through the Wormhole” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Through_the_Wormhole – as it were, with access enabled by teleportation – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleportation – from smaller hub facilities around Britain. Given this extraordinary arrangement, it is quite possible that the project may not require planning permission. All will be explained, however, in our forthcoming bid for a Regional Growth Fund grant.
Spiritual advice for Buddhist monks encountering London Mayor on Tube
0The Witch of Worcester was sad to learn that a Buddhist monk had been so distracted by the appearance of the Mayor of London on the tube that he lost his lap top computer as a consequence. The story of Lelung’s Rinpoche’s fateful encounter with Boris Johnson, widely reported in the media last month, was summed up thus by The Daily Mail – “A Tibetan monk who posed for a selfie with London Mayor Boris Johnson was so caught up in the moment that it caused him to lose a laptop containing his life’s work” (Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2613281/Tibetan-monk-posed-THIS-selfie-Boris-Johnson-caught-moment-lost-laptop-containing-lifes-work.html#ixzz31JyxnajD) Buddhist Monks beware Boris Johnson when travelling on the London Underground is surely the moral of the tale! The Witch’s spiritual interpretation of the incident is that the Mayor of London channelled the demon known as Mara in Eastern faiths – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mara_%28demon%29 According to Buddhist cosmology, Mara “is a tempter, distracting humans from practicing the spiritual life by making mundane things alluring, or the negative seem positive.” (Wikipedia) There can be few better descriptions of a philandering politician than that!
TRICK OR TREAT NEXT WEEK?
0As the Sun moves in to Scorpio, and the Season of Saturnalia (and other Hocus Pocus) draws in too, The Witch can congratulate herself for good behaviour during the month of Libra, but wonders what next week holds.
MID WORCESTERSHIRE QUESTION MAY DETERMINE UK’S POLITICAL FUTURE
0For those readers who think it is the West Lothian question and the issue of Scottish independence which hold the key to the political future of the United Kingdom, The Witch knows otherwise. “Cam the Knife’s” – aka David Cameron: an allusion to his predecessor “Mac the Knife” or Harold Macmillan – reshuffle has precipitated the resignation of Peter Luff, MP for the safe Tory seat of Mid Worcestershire, who has announced that he is retiring from politics by the 2015 General Election.
London Mayor Boris Johnson is now known to be interested in re-placing Mr Luff as constituency MP, partly because The Witch has drawn attention to the development potential of Throckmorton airfield; and also because Super Boris (again an allusion to Super Mac) could then challenge Cam the Knife for leadership of the Conservative Party. Press speculation about Boris doing a similar deal with Zac Goldsmith for the latter’s Richmond constituency should be regarded as mere distracting tittle-tattle.
In the meantime, the announcement of a “review” into airport capacity whose outcome will not be known until after the General Election, has encouraged The Witch of Worcester to moth-ball WOW enterprises’ plans for a spaceport at Throckmorton (in anticipation of Super Boris becoming MP for the area in question); and instead focus on developing a combined state of the art conservatory and extension of her broom cupboard. The roof of this structure can be opened on fine nights to allow The WoW Coven to fly out on their broomsticks, after the fashion of George Osborne and his familiar-drawn chariot (see below).
EXCLUSIVE: NEW OXORD FU MANCHU FOUR RUNWAY AIRPORT PROPOSAL
0Now that she is an official member of the international mega project circuit (or should that be circus?), The Witch can exclusively reveal that a short-listed site for the new four runway airport proposed in south east England is that currently occupied by the city of Oxford. Yes, Oxford Fu Manchu Airport would involve the international trans-location of Oxford’s historic city quarters, including that of the university, to an area adjoining the new Ordos technopolis in Inner Mongolia, in whose empty high rise apartment block residents could also be re-housed.
This option apparently received support from former Oxford Bullingdon Club member, and current Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne when he visited evil Chinese genius Dr Fu Manchu on board his yaght – an even more impressive vessel than than that of Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska – last month. However, it is understood that the former Governor of Hong Kong, and current Chancellor of Oxford University, Lord Patten could pose an obstacle to the proposal and may have to be removed from office “Chinese-style” (or should that be Fu Manchu-style?).
Mr Osborne, meanwhile, is reported to have been behaving more strangely than usual. The Witch has it on good authority that he converted to the dark arts following that infamous encounter with Lord Mandelson known as “Yatchgate”. However, shortly after initiation Mr Osborne lost his familiar, Freya the cat, who has recently re-joined him in Downing Street: a territory she likes very well. To those with eyes endowed with occult powers, the Chancellor can now been seen flying through the night sky in a chariot drawn by eight felines, when not summoning up infernal spirits with his coven of special advisers.
PS: Those unfamiliar with Dr Fu Manchu should consult his entry in Wikipedia. He may have been introduced to the Chancellor of the Exchequer through Global Counsel LLP.
WILL THE WICKED BLAIR WIZARD SEEK SANCTUARY IN SAUDI OR ISRAELI EMBASSY?
0It may come as a surprise to some readers that during her sojourn in outer space The Witch of Worcester seriously considered the possibility of re-joining the Labour Party. Her alter ego has not been a member since the election of Tony Blair as party leader many moons ago. Yes, the emergence of Blue Labour suggested that the party might really be undergoing a spiritual as well as policy renewal. Alas, when The Witch returned to earth she learned that The Wicked Blair Wizard was back in the frame as a lead policy adviser to Ed Miliband.
Now Arch-Bishop Desmond Tutu has joined a throng of other people, and indeed organisations, committed to the cause of having ex-prime minister Blair and former president Bush tried for war crimes as a consequence of the unlawful invasion of Iraq led by the United States and Britain. Would that it were so simple!
The problem is that, with the exception of politicians across the party spectrum endowed with some common sense, a majority of UK parliamentarians did support the war in Iraq. Therefore whatever the wrong-doings of The Wicked Blair Wizard, he cannot take sole responsibility for warmongering on this occasion. The task for British democracy now is to ensure constitutional measures are in place so that those governing the country are provided with the expertise and decision-making processes to do so properly with regard to the rule of law. We are still some way from this desired state.
In the meantime, The Witch has learnt that the ex-prime minister, and current Middle East Peace Envoy, may seek sanctuary in the London embassy of Saudi Arabia, or that of Israel, just in case a recent Comic Strip film noir pastiche called “The Hunt for Tony Blair” turns out to presage events in the real world.
The Witch of Worcester 